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Outraged!

by Doomweasel

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1.
You've Got No Money 04:59
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YOU’ VE GOT NO MONEY You’ve got the brains you’ve the looks You’re a thoughtful, friendly cordon bleu cook You’re a qualified mechanic and you never feel the need to nag You don’t get bad-tempered when you’re feeling tired Your witty repartee is always inspired You like drinking beer and you never say no to a shag You agree with ev’ry word I say You think I’m wonderful in every way You don’t get tired of my clowning around There is just one thing that lets you down You’ve got not money You are poor so you’re no good to me You’ve got no money Which counts you out as far as I can see Don't want devotion I just want cash in huge amounts Don’t need emotion If I’ve got access to your bank account I like to live a life of luxury But I don’t want to work so it seems to me I need someone with unlimited funds who simply can’t say no Now no-one could call you stingy or mean But that’s a fat lot of good if you haven’t a bean You’re nice but you’re poor so I’ll have to let you go I need a lover with a monstrous pile Of money who’s prepared to keep me in style Oh! How I wish that it could be you But it can’t ‘cos you’re skint So I’ll say toodle-oo Chorus You’ve got the looks, you’ve got the charm In times of crisis you always stay calm You like loud music, football and Indian food You’re never unpleasant, spiteful or cruel And you don’t object to playing the fool You love ev’rybody and ev’rybody loves you Despite all this there’s one thing wrong That means our love cannot got You lack that one essential thing That’s guaranteed to cause my heart to sing Chorus
2.
Whip Me Brenda 02:54
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WHIP ME BRENDA Albert lives next door to He drives a lime green 2CV And goes to work each day to sell insurance His wife called Brenda keeps the house And though she’s quiet as a mouse She has a certain air of self-assurance You might assume they’re quite a boring pair But you’d be very wrong and this is clear Cos Albert rushes home each night For he knows his devoted wife Is waiting for him in her rubber gear (Hear him calling) CHORUS Whip me Brenda Whip me Brenda For I have been a naughty boy Whip me Brenda Whip me Brenda I want to be your sex toy At fourteen stone height four foot eight You might call Brenda overweight But in her thigh length boots she’s awe-inspiring She wears a rubber mini skirt And treats him like a piece of dirt Very quickly Albert is perspiring She may look like a latex cannonball But Albert is her willing sex slave So having had his evening meal Before his mistress Albert kneels Confessing to her he has misbehaved (Then he begs her) CHORUS Whip me Brenda Whip me Brenda For I have been a naughty boy Whip me Brenda Whip me Brenda I want to be your sex toy Ooh-Ah, ooh-Ah! Ooh-Ah, ooh-Ah! Ooh-Ah, ooh-Ah! Ooh-Ah, ooh-Ah! Brenda sneers as he turns pale As she handcuffs him to the towel rail He howls in pleasure and in pain And gets six of the best from Brenda’s cane CHORUS Whip me Brenda Whip me Brenda For I have been a naughty boy Whip me Brenda Whip me Brenda I want to be Darling can’t you see I want to be your sex toy
3.
The Pixie 03:16
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THE PIXIE In a very strange time, a very strange place There lived an odd little man I feel i have to tell you his story is bizarre But I’ll lay it on you if i can He was a pixie called Bubbleandsqueek And he went to the butcher’s three times a week He’d buy a pound of sausages yum! yum! Yum! Then he’s take them home and stick them up his bum CHORUS Oh what a pervy little pixie Oh what a weird little chap The pixies that i read about in Enid Blyton Were never quite like that He wore a pointy hat and little leather shorts And little pixie spike-heeled shoes And he always hung around in seedy pixie bars And sometimes in the public pixie loos And if you heard what he got up to in the very dead of night With PC Plod and a Bigears and a pair of ladies tights He dirty little books and his pixie chains and whips Would have brought a cry of shock to the most pervy person’s lips CHORUS Then one day they caught him the bushes With Noddy and a length of garden hose So they took away his bits and said ‘t live in Pixieland They told him to hit the road CHORUS
4.
The Pirate Song 04:05
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THE PIRATE SONG Sailing away on the open sea The raging spray tossing over me I stand at the helm looking nasty and depraved I’m a cutthroat pirate and I hardly ever shave Gimme a tot of rum and a wench to snog Barnacle me bum I’m a salty dog I’m the scourge of the seas and the Spanish main I rape and I pillage i am totally insane I wear big boots and I’ll kill you if i can Ev’ryone can see I’m a very nasty man Me crew’s a bunch of murderers and cutthroats ev’ryone They’ll hang you by your goolies and they’ll do it just for fun CHORUS So if your life is boring and excitement’s what you need Consider what’s on offer in a life of piracy Yo-ee-oh, o-oh Yo-ee-oh, o-oh I used to work in Thetford selling toothpaste door to door I can’t describe the tedium my life was such a boor I was an eight-stone weakling my skin was pasty white I had no friends, I had no class, my life was utter shite Then I saw an advert in a magazine And it changed my life if you know what I mean (it said) CHORUS Yo-ee-oh, o-oh Yo-ee-oh, o-oh So I sent away me money to this special agency And enrolled upon a course to be a demon of the sea I learned all of the pirate skills and learned ‘em pretty fast And when I graduated i was top of me class I killed off all me kin to get me hands upon their funds And I bought meself a ship and it was bristling with guns Went back to me boss, slit his throat and said “I quit!” And sailed away to sea with me crew of evil gits Yo-ee-oh, o-oh Yo-ee-oh, o-oh So now I’ve heaps of treasure and I drink the finest rum I’ve buggered every bosun’s mate from here to kingdom come And all the navies in the world they’re all afraid of me The meanest muthafucker who has ever sailed the sea So if you lubbers feel your life may need a bit of spice Take a tip from me me boys and follow this advice CHORUS
5.
Grandma is a Bride of Satan 04:43
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GRANDMA IS A BRIDE OF SATAN What a sweet old lady my Grandma seems to be With her tartan shopping trolley and her endless cups of tea But recently my Grandma’s changed and now she’s far from nice Her leisure time is taken up with sinfulness and vice Her chin-wags with the neighbours and her knitting have all ceased Now she spends her evenings communing With the beast CHORUS Grandma is a bride of Satan She has found the antichrist She won’t be going to the bingo She’s got goats to sacrifice Grandma is a bride of Satan Of Satan Oh yeah I went round to see my Grandma just the other night When I got there what I saw - it gave me quite a fright I found her in the kitchen lying naked on the floor While a pointy-headed demon was giving her what-for I said “what are you doing Grandma? Can you please explain?” She said “I’m screwing Satan dear! I would have thought that that Was pretty plain” CHORUS She turns her head around through three-sixty degrees Her little red and piggy eyes are staring at me I say to her “Grandma! Do you feel a bit unwell?” She vomits in my face and says “Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” CHORUS
6.
Then You Exploded 04:04
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THEN YOU EXPLODED Oh what a glorious night Silvery moon and starshine bright It seemed so perfect and right We should be together I said that I love you You replied that you love me too Said I’d spend my whole life through Loving you forever CHORUS Then you went and exploded You blew up right before my very eyes Yeah you went and exploded I must admit that it took me by surprise And it was clear for all to see In a very real way you were all over me When you exploded Didn’t know if I should laugh or cry And as I wiped your brain out of my eye All I could do is wonder why You blew up in my face I picked your eyeball out of my beer In my soup I found your left ear I’m very sad to say my dear You were all over the place CHORUS When I saw what you had done to my brand new suit I won’t repeat what I said What was once a rather tasteful grey Was now gore-splattered red And with your intestine draped across my face I was aware I wasn’t looking my best And with all your bits spread out just like a butcher’s shop I have to say that you also looked a mess CHORUS Oh what a glorious night Silvery moon and starshine bright
7.
Lurve Song 04:11
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LURVE SONG It’s been a perfect evening Candle-lit meal for two I’m glad I spent this time with you We’ve done a lot of talking And we’ve drunk a few bottles of wine We could be lovers given time There is so much we’ve got In common and that’s a fact Come baby, how about a shag? We’ve been together now For more than a week of two I really think that I’m in love with you Just being near you Sends shivers right down my spine God knows i think that you’re divine It’s time to take the next step There’s no turning back Come baby, how about a shag? I’m fed up holding hands The outlooks pretty bleak Got no time for one night stands This could go for at least another week I respect your feeling And I understand your fears But we’ve been courting now for twenty seven years I think you’ll agree with me I am not an impatient man But I’m gonna have to make my stand While I still can Although the spirit’s willing The flesh is beginning to flag Come baby, how about a shag?
8.
In Which Winnie the Pooh Encounters Problems With The Drug Squad 03:25
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IN WHICH WINNIE THE POOH ENCOUNTERS PROBLEMS WITH THE DRUG SQUAD Winnie the Pooh don’t know what to do He might have to clear right out of town Cos the drug squad have sussed him Word is that they’ll bust him And Winnie the Pooh is gonna go down Cos ev’ryone buys their illegal highs From Winnie the Pooh, drug-dealing bear But questions were asked And somebody grassed Now Winnie the Pooh is running scared CHORUS Oo-ooh Winnie the Pooh You’d better watch out the filth are looking for you You were Mr Big in the Hundred Acre Wood But now the heat is on things don’t look so good Pedalling ganja to Tigger and Kanga Has always been worth a penny or two And it helps pay the bills Selling little red pills At a tenner a time to Baby Roo Servicing Rabbit’s amphetamine habit Was good once a week for a grand But somebody squealed And now all of his deals Are all flushed away down the pan CHORUS Your whole operation Is under observation You’re public enemy number one You’d better put your little earner On the old back-burner You don’t wanna do time, it ain’t much fun Forget the cash Dump your stash And run Face the facts Eeyore won’t get his smack Piglet won’t get no more speed Cos Winnie the Pooh Knows just what to do He’s gotta shut down if he wants to stay free He’s made quite a packet from this drug-dealing racket Selling acid to Owl kept him living in style But he’s gotta take five If he wants to survive So Winnie the Pooh’s laying low for a while CHORUS
9.
Even Jesus... 03:45
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EVEN JESUS… CHORUS Don’t come me for sympathy Cos I’ve had enough of you Don’t go bothering your family Cos they all hate you too There ain’t a man or woman alive Who gives a shit if you live or die Sad to say it’s an established fact Even Jesus thinks you’re crap I’ve met some tosspots in my time But you get right on my tits You’re the Prince of Pratts, the Sheik of Slime The Baron of Bullshit When it comes to being a pain in the ass Frankly you are olympic class I can only shake my head And wish that you were dead You Daddy says if shit was brains You would be constipated And your mother’s sad that it’s too late To have you terminated Everyone you’ve ever met agrees You’re a worthless weasel And a stinking sleaze A boring tedious useless git Yeah we all think you’re shit CHORUS There are people in this world You haven’t even met And they would gladly take the chance To kick you in the head You went and and saw the Pope in Rome He begged you to just fuck off home Everybody knows it’s true Jesus hates you too CHORUS
10.
The Trombone Man 03:55
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TROMBONE MAN I knew a girl and I dug her Jive She made me feel like I was alive Then she upped and left me all alone For the friend of a friend who plays the trombone It’s a bloody hard life for chaps like myself The man with the brass put me on the shelf He plays it good and he plays it hot It’s plain to see he’s a pretty big shot Now I’ve been left and I’m on my own Cos the girl prefers a man with a great big bone He’s been left and he’s on his own Cos the girl prefers a man with a great big bone He’s got class and he’s got style And he always wears a great big smile But more important than all these things When he grease his slide it makes the woman sing His trombone makes my kazoo Look oh so silly, what can I do? He plays for hours with a passionate fire I play for three minutes and I’m thoroughly tired Now I’ve been left and I’m on my ass Cos the girl prefers a man with a bit more brass Now he’s been left and he’s on his ass Cos the girl prefers a man with a bit more brass He slides it up, he slides it down Sometimes it reaches right to the ground He slides it out, he slides it in It extends so far it must be a sin I bet he’s showing her how to play it now; Perhaps not, I think she knows anyhow I tried it once but not anymore Playing that thing made my lips all sore Now I’ve been left and I’m on my Jack And it takes more than a kazoo to bring my baby back Now he’s been left and he’s on his Jack And it takes more than a kazoo to bring his baby back
11.
If This Is Love 02:46
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IF THIS IS LOVE When we first met I must admit It was a buzz, a real hit With hearts and even flowers Yes we fitted like hand inside a glove It was me for you and you for me Together for eternity We talked as lot of bollocks Like you do when you have just fallen in love We moved in together And we thought it was forever But our fluffy little dream is now an evil nightmare Cos you have got the carving knife And I am fearful for my life We each other with a passion That is quite beyond compare Call me Mr Picky if you will but it must be said If this is what romance is like I think that I rather be dead CHORUS If this is love If this is love Then something isn’t right If this is love If this is love If this is love I think it’s shite I am able to believe I may have been a bit naive Perhaps my expectations Might have been a tiny little bit too high Put simply I was not prepared For how our star-crossed love affair Has turned into a hate-fest In what seems to be the twinkling of an eye Ev’ry morning, ev’ry night All we ever do is fight We cannot reach agreement on a single bloody thing Our love has turned to sorrow It’s a dreadful tale of horror Sure to scare the living shit Out of even Stephen King Call me Mr Fucked-off if you must I don’t really care Black eyes blood and broken bones Don’t feature in my ideal love affair CHORUS If this is love If this is love Then something isn’t right If this is love If this is love If this is love I demand an explanation What is going on? That’s all I ask If Cupid ever shows his stupid chubby face round here again I’ll shove his bow and arrow up his arse If this is love If this is love Then something isn’t right If this is love If this is love If this is love If this is love If this is love If this is love If this is love I think it’s shite
12.
Clingfilm and Custard 03:19
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CLINGFILM AND CUSTARD I’ve got the clingfilm if you’ve got the custard We can play hide the hotdog can you cut the mustard? Maybe I’ll wear my sexfish suit And we can see what we can do with some tropical fruit Fetch me a penguin I’m hot to trot Spank me with a cactus, hit the spot Do you wanna play doggies?well just call me Rover Grease that carrot babe, I’m bending over I don’t know exactly what I wanna do But whatever I do I wanna do it to you There are things you do with vaseline That go beyond the bounds of the merely obscene Wire my genitals to the mains Give a buzz to really fry my brains Tie to the table, call me Tracey Wear your wetsuit it drives me crazy I’ll be the bishop and you’ll be the nun We’ll have ourselves a whole heap of fun I don’t know exactly what I wanna do But whatever I do I wanna do it to you Let’s get dirty Really dirty Fill that mud bath Let’s get dirty Well you’d look good in a white wine sauce Served up with parsley and almonds of course If it isn’t more than you can handle See if you can melt that candle I’ll be your acolyte you be my guru I’ll be Kirk, you be Uhura I’ll dress up as an orangutan We can frolic in a bath of lemon meringue I don’t know exactly what I wanna do I don’t know exactly what I wanna do I don’t know exactly what I wanna do But whatever I do I wanna do it to you
13.
Country Life 06:11
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COUNTRY LIFE CHORUS Hurrah for the country life Hurrah for the country life Free from trouble and free from strife It’s Hurrah for the country life. Pin back your ears as I sing the praise Of country life and country ways Where men are real men and the sheep look dazed It’s Hurrah for the country life. CHORUS Let’s drink to the health of uncle Ned He got caught with a goat in his head Blas’ he was embarrassed cos the goat was dead It’s Hurrah for the country life CHORUS optional verse He’s a funny old boy is cousin Lee He talks to the fairies and he lives in a tree It’s them funny old mushrooms he puts in his tea It’s Hurrah for the country life. CHORUS God save us all from auntie Nell She looks like the sceptic beast from hell She has her very own stale urine smell It’s Hurrah for the country life. CHORUS
14.
You May Be Dead 04:56
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YOU MAY BE DEAD You look so good Lying on that slab Reclining in Your black bodybag With your face so pale And your lips so blue I’ve got the hots for you I’ll admit it I’m not proud My ideal woman Is one who’s wrapped in a shroud Though your flesh has gone grey And rigor mortis has set in I feel a swelling in my jeans You never caught my eye When you were alive I never really fancied you But now that you’re dead I can’t wait to get you in bed You’re a stiff and I am stiff too CHORUS You may be dead You may be dead You may be dead but baby You don’t half turn me on Some say I’m sad They all think I’m sick But you do something to me That makes my pulse run quick Let them call me a weirdo Let them say I’m a retard Ooh baby! You’re making me hard My love for you Each day has increased Ever since I discovered You were totally deceased I can’t forget the day I first saw your cadaver Said to myself “ I’ve just got to have ‘er So now ev’ry night I hold your corpse so tight And we make love until the dawn It cannot be denied Ever since the day you died You’ve done nothing else But give me the horn CHORUS
15.
Uncle Harry's Homebrew 06:56
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UNCLE HARRY’S HOMEBREW There are certain things not meant for mortal me Arcane lore fit to drive you round the bend Dark secrets sure to send you mad with fear Like the recipe for Uncle Harry’s homebrewed beer It’s a wicked ale Made from god knows what Drink just one pint Feel your innards rot CHORUS Drink Uncle Harry’s homebrew beer - prepare to die Drink Uncle Harry’s homebrew beer - kiss your ass goodbye Don’t believe harry when he says - It’s good for you You’re better off drinking toxic waste - than Harry’s brew You know it’s true When you drink Uncle Harry’s homebrewed beer (Harry’s homebrewed beer) The following symptoms will appear (they’ll appear) First of all comes the idiotic grin (Oh idiotic grin) Then the world around you starts to spin (round and round) You take a second gulp And your eyesight fails Your buttocks clench And your face turns pale CHORUS In the event of drinking Uncle Harry’s extra dark double strength old peculiar bitter it is essential to follow these important rules; they may limit the damage and they could save your life Grit your teeth, Lie on the ground Stick a cork up your arse And keep your head down You may begin to hallucinate This is perfectly normal, be resigned to your fate When your brain starts dribbling out of your ears Then the early side effects have appeared From your face the colour is draining Get some help - you’ll need restraining When the nausea strikes try to stay calm If your bottom explodes don’t be alarmed Send for an ambulance send for a priest You may well shortly be deceased Look in the mirror - do you see Ken Dodd? If the answer is yes start believing in god Phone your solicitor, check your will Remember these words: Harry’s homebrew kills Some have survived my uncle’s beer ( it’s sad but true) But their numbers are very few I fear (there aren’t very many of them) Sad broken people with empty eyes THey shuffle around just waiting to die They are the lucky few Who drank Harry’s ale And against the odds They lived to tell the tale CHORUS

about

Recorded at Purple Studios, Great Yarmouth & Norwich in a number of sessions in the 90's, Outraged was the album that Doomweasel made but never properly released. Engineered and produced by the long-suffering Richard "Hammy" Hamilton, the album represents a significant portion of the band's set

credits

released September 7, 2018

Lead vocal/guitar: Tim Lane
Bass: Chris Phillips
Drums: Tim Dew
Keyboards: Chris Hollingworth
Sax/vocals: Jo Worley
Backing vocals: Sharon Rowe
Backing vocals: Tiffany Lacey Edwards

Viola (tracks 8 & 13): Kerrin Brizell
Bass (track 15): Seb Fosdall
Lead Guitar/vocals (tracks 2,4,7,8,12,13.15): Neil Macnab
Lead Guitar (track 15): Lee Morrant
Backing Vocals (tracks 4,8,12,13.15): Sarah Thomson
Backing vocals (track 15): Patsy Armishaw

all songs written by Tim Lane except 4 by Neil Macnab and Tim Lane
recorded at purple studios Norwich & Great Yarmouth
arranged and produced by doomweasel
copyright doomweasel 1999

thanks to hammy, bondy, julie, crude apache,
patsy, seb, lee, sara, and harry the fish

never eat anything bigger than your head.

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timlane Norwich, UK

Welcome to the musical world of Tim Lane. I'm a musician and composer who lives in Norwich in the UK.
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